VIRGINTY: A PERSONAL DECISION

Sometimes it might seem like everyone in your school, neighbourhood and everywhere around you is talking about who's a virgin, who isn't, and who might be. For both girls and guys, the pressure sometimes can be intense.

 

But deciding whether it’s right for you to have sex is one of the most important decisions you'll ever have to make. Each person must use his or her own judgement and decide if it's the right time — and the right person.

This means considering some very important factors — both physical ones, like the possibility of becoming pregnant or getting a Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD) — and emotional factors, too. Though a person's body may feel ready for sex, sex also has very serious emotional consequences.

For many teens, moral factors are very important as well. Family attitudes, personal values, or religious beliefs provide them with an inner voice that guides them in resisting pressures to get sexually involved before the time is right.

Nobody wants to feel left out of things — it's natural to want to be liked and feel as if you're part of a group of friends. Unfortunately, some teens feel that they have to lose their virginity to keep up with their friends or to be accepted.

It doesn't sound like it's all that complicated; maybe most of your friends have already had sex with their boyfriends or girlfriends and act like it isn't a big deal. But sex is not something that is only physical; it's emotional, too. And because everyone emotions are different, it's hard to rely on your friends' opinions to decide if it's the right time for you to have sex.

What matters to you is the most important thing, and your values may not match those of your friends. That's what makes people unique. Having sex to impress someone or to make your friends happy or feel like you have something in common with them won't make you feel very good about yourself in the long run. True friends don't really care whether a person is a virgin — they will respect your decisions, no matter what.

Even if your friends respect your decision, it is easy to be misled by what you watch on TV shows and adverts making you feel every young person in Nigeria is having sex. These TV teens are actors, not real people with real concerns. It is a story, not real life. They don’t have to worry about being ready for sex, how they will feel later on, or what might happen as a result. In real life, every teen can, and should, make his or her own decision.

 

Although some teens that are going out don't pressure each other about sex, the truth is that in many relationships, one person wants to have sex although the other one doesn't. This is because human beings are different. Maybe one person in a relationship is more curious and has stronger sexual feelings than the other. In other case, it may be on religious reasons why he or she doesn't want to have sex and the other person doesn't share those beliefs.

Whatever the reason, it can place constant worry on a relationship because you want to keep your friend happy, but you don't want to compromise what you think is right.

Anyone who tries to pressure you into having sex by saying, "if you truly cared, you wouldn't say no," or "if you loved me, you'd show it by having sex" isn't really looking out for you and what matters most to you. They're looking to satisfy their own feelings and urges about sex.

If someone says that not having sex after doing other kinds of fooling around will cause him or her physical pain, that's also a sign that that person is thinking only of himself or herself. If you feel that you should have sex because you're afraid of losing that person, it may be a good time to end the relationship.

Sex should be an expression of love — not something a person feels that he or she must do. If that boyfriend or girlfriend truly loves you, he or she won't push or pressure you to do something you don't believe in or aren't ready for yet.