This was a message that
cut my attention as I glanced through my mails that morning. Frank who has been
having a crush on me right from high school sent me this mail after making several
fruitless advances towards getting my attention. All the while I’ve pretended
not to like him because I used to be a decent girl while growing up. I wouldn't
want to fail neither my parents who have confidence in me, nor my pastor who
always looked at me as a model sweet sixteen among the teens.
It was on a valentine day
just after Frank and I got admission into same university. It was not a
coincidence in Frank's part rather it was another great opportunity for him to
win my uncompromising heart. After reading the mail, I was down thinking,
though never had intention of hooking up with any guy till my third year, because
I wanted to face my studies squarely and hooking up could be a lot of
distractions.
Still pondering on the
mail, my phone rang. It was frank. He asked if I could come on a date with him
that night at a guesthouse close to my school. At first I didn’t like the idea,
but I gave it a second thought considering the fact that Frank has been someone
I had admired secretly. I gave a positive response to his.
After that night we got
talking and later he demanded for a kiss – my first kiss - which I gave him, he
then asked for something that I have
treasured all this while – My Virginity. But I resisted that day. My resistance persisted until after
three attempts. But after his third attempt, I was scared of losing him
totally. Lacking idea of what next to do, wanting to keep him but avoiding to
yield to his request, I was then found at a cross road of either to lose him or
to comprise my stands. Obviously he wasn’t getting a very clear “NO” from Me.
Then he knew I could submit after further persuasions. Having read really wide
on how to escape the consequences of sex and STDs, my logistics were decent and
my level of desire was raised high. I resolved to giving him a chance. With
full confidence that I can avoid the dangers of pre-marital sex. I removed the
umbrella while in the rain to show my love to the rain, I stayed under the
scorching heat of the sun to make the sunshine happy. I opened my windows not
minding the wind. But alas, my dead weight could not bear the force of the
wind. The wind neglected my outward beauty, prestige, friends ....... It
attacked my spirit, soul and body.
Little did I know that the contraceptive that
Frank used failed. I got pregnant and we decided to abort it. We went to a far
place in order to protect my integrity. On our way to the hospital we fell into
the hand of the arm robbers. All attempts made to heed to toes was met with two
bullets from their Ak47 separating my epithelial tissue down to the sebaceous
gland before reaching out for my femur. The next thing, I saw myself in the
hospital with a device hung for administering fluid into my veins. Mum was right beside me with a facial expression
of a depressed and disappointed poor woman.
Ouch! My life was blew
away from God's presence, and my soul was given to the devil. My spirit was no
longer sensitive to His voice. I was driven out of His tent, my soul was
disturbed . I tried to put myself together, got back on my feet and move on
with my life, but the ground was slippery. Despite the sunshine, my days are
dark and cold. Walking during daylight does not stop me from stumbling. I could
not attain the best of my academics because understanding becomes rare for me. Oh just because of My first kiss!
First kiss is the
beginning of some people's joy if it is done at the right and God's own time
but mine opens door for trauma. My pain is like a rain falling in stream of
tears. Had I known I wouldn't have submitted to him. My dreams, ambition,
talent, vision, purpose was aborted in the twinkle of an eye. May be, if I come
to this world again I may achieve my aim.
Young lady! Did I just
heard saying your own story can never be as worst as this? It may interest you
to know that each steps you take towards compromising your moral stands is a
gradual process to a similar life as the girl in this story; an emotional ‘shatteredness’
and destiny wretchedness. Don’t you think it will be wise to watch your steps? You’re
your eyes. Remember life is a seed. Whatever foundation you lay now must
reflect in whatever building we see tomorrow. So be wise!
By Odesola Taiwo
University of Abuja
University of Abuja
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